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These things never end.....

I'm so tired of this. There's always something going wrong with us, always something pulling us away from each other. I'm starting to think that the Blitzkrieg Boys just were never meant to be a team.

Frankly, I don't want Tala to go. He's the only one who knows about the phone calls, and even though I don't want to tell anyone else about it, I need someone who can understand, even fractionally, what's going on. *sigh* Besides, if he goes, there's no one on the planet who can stop Bryan from torching the BBA headquarters.

I guess this is a good note, but in just five days, the five days since Tala caught me, I've reduced my smoking from nearly a pack and a half to just five ciggarettes. I've been through this process so many times that I can bring my intake down almost instantly, as long as I'm not overly stressed. I guess that's why I don't want to talk to Tala, even to try and convince him to stay. Maybe I'm hoping for some kind of miracle...but I learned a long time ago miracles don't exist. I don't know how to convince Tala to stay; not even Dranzer can help me talk to him. I only wish I knew...

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December 2006
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